Avocados, Portland, and lost love.

I don't really know where to start here, I guess I can start anywhere. At times when I'm feeling down, I draw myself to tears of frustration from trying to find words to understand my emotions. It's been a long time since the last time I felt this way. I find it hard to justify feeling sad, when I have so many blessings in my life. I almost feel guilty for not being happy constantly, because honestly I truly lead a wonderful life.

But we have to remember to be kind to ourselves, and even more importantly, to just BE ourselves-whether we're in good form or not.

Writers write best when they are sad anyways, me thinks.

I am sad because I am heartbroken again. And although it is not a new feeling, it always hurts more than I remembered, and cuts deeper than I realize. I love avocados. My heart is like an avocado, scooped out and smashed into glop, left in a glass bowl for people to smear on their bagels every morning at work. Wait, no..but those avocados are so good.

Somehow I still cannot control my ability to love and to hope. I can't believe I still believe in love. Even though I am a bit crazy, selfish and traumatized, I have faith that God still has the perfect man out there for me somewhere. Maybe He's still waiting for me to learn how to master the art of patience, which I dread may be inherit in my character (impatience), and become the ruin to any forever-type of relationships.

For now at least I can sulk on my futon bed, because I don't deserve a king sized bed because I am 26 and alone. To be fair, people have survived worse things in life.

VENT SESSION ENDED.

Switching gears, we checked off tons of Oregonian To Do's during his visit. I was so happy to host and finally show him my hometown as I've been rediscovering it myself. There is something magical about watching someone experience a city you love, for the first time. We've talked about it for so long, and I've been to Ireland three times, so it was due time for Cormac to journey to Portlandia.

Highlights:

Morning hike up to see the Rose Garden 

Finding amazing brunch spots! 

Biking around and enjoying downtown Portland (bikes not shown)

Saturday Market, Rose Festival, Meet the Fleet 

 Cormac capturing this priceless moment with my chipmunk pal 

Hiking up Angel's Rest and stopping by Multnomah Falls 

Having our fill of epic brunches, smiles included

 Stayed in a cabin in the woods with alpacas! 

Had a campfire and made s'mores <3 <3 

I'm out of words for now, and I feel much better. No matter how bad today may have been, tomorrow may be the best day of your life-so just get through.

xoxo Kalong

A Portland Love Affair

I never knew growing up native in NE Portland would some day make me a commodity in my own city. When I was overseas I got asked where I was from all the time. Now I'm back home and people STILL ask me where I'm from. And then when I say HERE, they go, 'Wow. A real Portlandian!' When did this happen?! Whatever, I'll take it.

Since I've been back in town, life has been more interesting than I remembered leaving it. I've never lived downtown before cause my parents were here, but since they aren't anymore I had the perfect excuse to find a lovely 1920's flat in NW, complete with a clawfoot bathtub and two roommates. It takes me about 20 mins every morning to stroll past parks and awakening boutiques to arrive at work. I adore my walks to work. Cyclists whiz by, guys with mustaches, cropped skinny jeans and messenger bags walk past, and homeless people wish me good mornings and compliment my hair. I mentally window shop as I pass by vintage furniture shops and thank God for the beautiful weather, and my job.

The vibe and culture at Airbnb in Portland is second to none. No boring people, no boring days. It is the aura of Portland herself in her grandest displays of hospitality. Which basically means bike storage areas, microbrews in the fridge, and endless vegan, gluten-free and organic catered lunches. We sit wherever we feel like, and I get a million GIF's a day of kittens and sitcom celebrities. There's always meet ups going on outside of the office, whether it's an organized afternoon of kickball + a keg, or karaoke nights. There's a lunch-time running group, a brunch group, an outdoor yoga group, everything and anything. I've been busy, and my alcohol tolerance has grown amusingly high. My colleagues are a younger, hip crowd in our mid 20's to mid 30's with dogs (that they bring to the office) and they all have fun, random facts and passions. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in cause I don't professionally bike race or work part time as an EMT, but then it's obvious how much I DO. Since we're all so unique, we all fit in by just being different people. Ah, the diversity is wonderful.

I'm rediscovering so many new reasons to love Portland, and it's easy because there are so many people here to show me how.

One reason? Thrift shops. One of my roommates loves going to Goodwill for house furnishings. When I first went in there I was blown away by how much cool STUFF they had for so cheap! I've always had this mentality that thrift shops were only a place to donate things. But we actually bought silverware there for $.27 each piece. Think that's weird and unsanitary? So did I..until Sam pointed out that all restaurants reuse their silverware. Mind=blown. Also, there have been many times at work when I've complimented someone on their clothes and they'll tell me they got it at Goodwill or Salvation Army. And I am curious now.

Another reason? I never get bad coffee. Another reason? No such thing as a bad pint. Another? I live right across the street from Trader Joe's. Another? No sales tax. Another? The outdoors. Oh, yes.

The outdoors. After living in SE Asia and central America, every day I am happy to be breathing in clean, crisp air. I am also surrounded by trees, and trees make me happy-and so do roses, and they are blooming all over Portland as well. Actually, Washington Park is a few minutes walk from my block, and therein lies the landmark Rose Garden and plentiful hiking trails. Yesterday I went out to Sauvie Island, where I used to go U-pick fruit on weekends as a little girl with my family. Only now that we're grown ups, friends and I had mimosas all afternoon in the sand. This morning we drove along the Gorge and hiked up to Punchbowl to see some pretty waterfalls. Few weeks ago, we went out to the Oregon Coast and made a bonfire on the beach after our hair got all tangled from the relentless wind.

How's life? Excellent. How am I liking Portland? Very, very much so.

 Sunny afternoon dipping toes in the Columbia River on Sauvie Island 

 Snippet of my Instagram of typical Thursday at work :) #airbnb

 Bonfires on the coast at Rockaway Beach

 Rummaging for the goods at Goodwill! I shall return. 

 Eagle Creek Trails, heading for the Punchbowl, a popular family friendly hike. 

 The infamous postcard sign of Portland. 

My darling bathroom, still lots of touches to add! 

IRELAND-A shot at poetry

These are some poems I wrote about my trip to Ireland, written on barf bags on the plane ride back home. I'm no poet, but here's a stab in the dark anyway!

AIRPORTS

How do I spend so much time in such bizarre places

and never speak of it? 

I used to drive down by the river and park by the landing strips alone

to sit on the hood of my car, watching the planes come and go.

At peace-to know that we can go explore, yet come home to welcoming arms

and people we love are only a flight away. 

Now, with my belt clipped in

I don't want to look out these oval windows anymore

I am filled with bittersweetness 

and uncertainty. 

Beautiful moments only exist within my heart and photographs

and home is only wherever I land next.

It's not easy to say goodbye when no one knows

what the future holds. 

But. 

The best part is when I'm waiting for my luggage

knowing the person I love 

is on the other side of the gate

eagerly waiting to kiss all the distance away.

DUBLIN

I've always known, (or so I thought)

whether I could fall in love with a city or not

at first breath I take, and first glances I see.

Could be smitten in seconds, and swear to never leave. 

Dublin was not such a place, with it's frosty dampness and gritty cement streets. 

Oh, and that exasperating Irish accent! 

But like an acquired taste, I couldn't stop listening

and wandering around 

until it settled into my dreams, 

until it flirted with possibilities

until I wanted to call it home…could it be? 

There the fiddlers cheer up gray street corners

hot tea and warm biscuits await beside cafe windows

the country opens up to oceans, beaches, mountains and castles

so beautiful it can make this city girl cry. 

And there is a blue-eyed Irish boy waiting

there for me. 

So pour me another pint,

since all of life is just a long journey

and I'll pack my bags to see what there is to see. 

Surely there's an awful lot more for me! 

 At the top of the Sugarloaf

 Downtown Cork City!

 Coast on the way to Kinsale

 Dropping by a lil' beerfest. Red Rebel is the best! 

 Take me there-the Blarney castle <3

Life as a Past-Expat…On Returning HOME.

This one is for my friends I've met overseas whom have recently returned home, and the ones about to return home.

When you go to a new country, you allow yourself time to explore and settle into the culture and city. It's okay to stumble around and get lost, not know anyone or not know where to go to have fun. Culture shock is expected and braced for: what will the people be like? What are popular pastimes? How can I fit in?

What I've learned coming back to Portland is this: that particular grace period doesn't really exist when returning home. You should kinda automatically fit in. The life you lived abroad is foreign and irrelevant now…it's the only excuse you have for not knowing about the most famous waffle stand in town! I felt like Rip Van Wrinkle, and even that's an odd reference. Yes, I felt odd and a bit awkward. Still do sometimes.

For many expats returning home, reverse culture-shock comes as a surprise. It's hard to imagine your hometown feeling unfamiliar. And honestly at times, it's harder to adjust to living back home. I think one reason is that you come back with expectations and ideas of what life will be like, whereas when moving away, you prepare an open mind. I was lucky in that coming back to the States, I first lived in San Francisco for a few months and it was a good balance of familiarity and the unknown. I could still smile at strangers and say "Hi I'm new!" Moving back to Portland was the next step, and I found it harder to feel 'normal'. It seems like I missed out on so much, yet at the same time-nothing at all, really.

Job searching is especially interesting as a returning expat. I literally did not know where to start. With my job experience mostly irrelevant in the States (who would I teach English to?!) it was time to start from the bottom up. In Portland I applied for everything, from retail management to sales, HR and customer service (I had learned the hard way that non-profit work would have to wait). However as I reconstructed my resume and underwent multiple interviews, it became increasingly apparent to me that the skills I gained from living in different countries were very valuable in the workplace.
Flexibility, adaptability, risk-taking, overcoming challenges, assertiveness, creative problem solving, teamwork and resilience were a few. I have very solid examples to show for all of those. I didn't know it at the time, but it turns out that one of the most important life skills for our generation is getting back up after repeated failures, and refusing to give up. Work knowledge needed to fill a role can be learned, and what better person to learn it than someone who has learned completely new ways of living? I got my first job offer 3 days after arriving back home but turned it down for a better fit, and multiple opportunities have sprung up since. I am now officially hired at a very exciting and innovative company which I will announce in a different post :)

It was definitely NOT easy. I just made it out to sound that way maybe. I'm thankful I had lots of support from friends and strangers alike, encouraging me to be brave and optimistic. It's quite scary actually, and I feel very young but old at the same time. DETERMINATION was the word of my every-day. (Okay I admit some days were really overwhelming and uncertain and I cried a lot! I'm human!)

So to all my overseas friends who are returning home soon, don't you dare start to despair. You are a gem-don't limit yourself. We have way more interesting stories to tell at our interviews, so don't be shy about it. We have gone down a path very few our age have, so don't be ashamed of your lack in relevant job skills. Our LIFE skills are more relevant than you might realize.

Also, prepare a three sentence answer to the question: "Oh so you were living in ___. What was it like?" Cause after five minutes of you struggling to sum up your experiences, people's eyes glaze over. Don't be offended. I just (literally, NOW) came up with mine:
"It was amazing because I met so many great friends from all over the world. I learned how to speak Mandarin and Spanish, also loved my job teaching kindergarten at an international schools. I got to travel a lot and met my boyfriend and I'm excited for what's next!"

Be patient with your surroundings, we're the ones who've changed. 

Portland-A beautiful place to clear my mind.

I have been writing less and less lately. I blame it on moving back to the States, back to where I came from, where, to me, life just isn't exotic and fascinating. Where taking public transport isn't an adventure. Food is normal food that everyone has heard of-burgers and pasta and sushi. I feel like my power to bring in new ideas, write about exciting places, and inspire people to travel…has been depleted. Maybe I feel this stronger than I did in San Francisco because I was new to that glorious sunny city. But things changed, and as of three days ago I now live in Portland, Oregon! I am living among you now (that is, if you live in Portland). Maybe you saw me at the Clackamas mall earlier today, wandering through Macy's looking for a Wells Fargo ATM (there isn't one btw).

As a native, I am happy to be back since summer of 2010. I have started my life from scratch in multiple cities around the world, and now I get to do the same thing even in my own hometown. I have mixed feelings about it, but the mostly just BLEEHHHH. It's not Portland, it's the starting over part. My family moved away two years ago to follow life-long dreams of doing charity work overseas (see where I get it from?!) leaving me with no where to return 'home'. I thank God (and Facebook!) for all the strong friendships I've miraculously maintained, because without their sincere and supportive welcome, this place would feel just as foreign as any. One thing I never feel when I'm back in Portland is LONELY, and that is enough for me to love being back.

Here, I get the sense that I've lived life backwards somehow. People have careers they seem to enjoy, own cars they've paid off, bought houses, gotten married, had kids, built homes and travel when they can. Does it make you want to kick me in the face if I admit I envy them?!? I don't care-that is just how I've been feeling lately. And I'm entitled to feelings!

Thing is, traveling and moving around all the time loses it's….charm, whatever. I used to be so excited to find a new flat, buy furniture and decor, then beam in my own space. I would love walking out on the street and listening to new languages and getting lost on transit systems, getting a new phone and the challenge and satisfaction of landing a new job. For some people it's a huge life event; to move to a new city-but I've done it before and since then I've done it again. And again. And again and now it's not fun anymore. You only love the road when you're not missin' home. If you're anyone close to my age range (twenty-sixxxxxxxxxx soon yo) your Newsfeed and Instagram are probably exploding with baby photos and engagement rings. I'm happy for my friends, I truly am. I just wonder if I'll ever get there too.

So I'm back in Portland, and I just want to be a normal person. Sorry if I am distant for the next few weeks, my mind is on autopilot (get job, get flat, get car, get phone, etc.) until I am settled. I'm determined to earn back the kind of life I once loved here. I want to work hard. I want to play with my best friends. I want to snowboard. I want to spend quality time with my little brother. I want to drive. I want to have all the nice beers I can drink. A lot has happened recently- and I just need some time, whether it be a few months or few years, to feel like I belong somewhere and to live a stable life again. My soul needs a place to rest for a while, and to have a beautiful place to clear my mind. That's all.

PS. I AM actively job seeking! If you know of any opportunities get in touch with me :) Actually, get in touch with me anyway! I want to catch up with all my dearest friends! 

San Francisco-Biking to Sausalito

Leave it to the boyfriend to come back into my everyday life and fill it with outdoor adventures. Yeah, I attempted a small hike on Mt. Tamalpais my second weekend here, but it was pretty much a fail due to freezing rain and fog. I grew pretty content staying within the city, chillin at multiple cafes, sippin' on delicious brews (yes, I really really really love GOOD beer-okay?), lunch dating with girlfriends at trendy spots around town, and admittedly-being this comfortable is making me squishy. Last weekend the sun came out and the man was eager, and so I put on the Northface and Nikes and outside we went!

After a very romantic and delectable seafood dinner at The Mission Street Oyster Bar (I super recommend this place!!) the night before, we headed out late Saturday morning to the Creamery for coffee and then rented bikes when we reached The Bike Hut. $25 each bike for the whole day! We thought it would be a good idea to get bikes at the end of the Embarcadero but next time I would rent from the Fisherman's Wharf end because there was a ridiculous amount of foot traffic to dodge passing Pier 39. 

We dropped by Ghirardelli Square, the famous SF chocolate factory for a free sample (seasalt carmel all month it seems!) and continued biking towards the Golden Gate Bridge. It was easy to follow the bike paths, they were clearly marked and when they broke off we just followed other bikers. It was flat all the way until we reached the Golden Gate viewpoint, after we passed the Marina. Beautiful, sorority/fraternity alums really do live and thrive on the outside park gyms out there. We followed the signs to go over the Golden Gate Bridge (free for bikes, yay!) and it was so cold and windy!!! I was focused on going at pace with the other cyclists without getting blown away so much that I didn't really take time to soak in the views. I saw the suicide help phone booths though!

Crossing the bridge lead us to Sausalito, a charming little coastal town brimming with other tourists and cyclists for the weekend. I thought the place was, eeeeh. Just one walking street loaded with cafes and gift shops. We were so hungry, the boyfriend and I sat down at the first decent looking cafe (Sausalito Bakery and Cafe), that I will not be returning to-but I'll save my comments for Yelp. We caught the 3pm ferry back over the Fisherman's Wharf on a packed boat but made it back in time to return our bikes. 

This trip was definitely about enjoying the views and fresh air cycling over, not so much the weather or place where we ended. Still, a wonderful day spent and exercise for the day, check!

"Life is a journey, not a destination." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thank you, 2013

It really doesn't feel like that long ago since I wrote "Thank you, 2012". 2013 was full of challenges and big changes. I traveled a lot, volunteered in Honduras and finally I've left Taiwan. (Moved back to the United States of America, hello!) I've learned that we're better off letting go of things we cannot control, and that happiness is always an option if we so choose it. All in all, I had another extraordinary year as an ordinary girl. Here are some remarkable moments of my 2013:

Climbing Mount Jade (玉山): Excellent first hike of the year! Took us 3 days and 2 nights to make it to the peak of this 3,952 m mountain, the tallest in SE Asia. We went with a guided group with old friends and new friends. It was really cold and on the final day we started hiking in pitch darkness around 2am, but the view left us in awe.

Chinese New Years in Thailand: The most packed vacation ever. We hit Bangkok, Chiang Mai, Ko Samui, Ko Tao, Krabi and got back to Bangkok in ten days! The weather, food and sights were amazing. We did it the backpacker way...definitely an experience.

Team Max 2013: I would say that most of my best friends in Taiwan were my fellow teammates. We started practice again in January and continued on pretty much all year because we just love the sport and company. Some of the best Saturday mornings I've spent in 2013 were just on a dragon boat, in bikinis, in the Bitan river, working on our tans and making plans for the day after showers. We didn't take home first place this year, but it's okay. Thank you Team Max, our orange days will keep us bonded for life!

Exploring Ireland: While meeting his family, I spent a lot of days adventuring on my own in Ireland! One my favorite moments was getting on the train and spending the day in Galway. It's weird how sometimes you grow fonder of a city when you're seeing it on your own. Lovely people, and the only proper place to have a Guinness.

Biking Hwy 11 (From north to south coast of Taiwan!): Probably one of the most physically demanding things I've ever done. Our bodies are amazing machines once we break though the mental barrier. Confession: It was so hard I cried a few times along the highways. I would never have made it without my partner in crime! Really glad we did this together, now I can look forward to never doing such a crazy bike journey again!! :D

Training with the Celts: The other sports team I had loads of craic with were this lovable Gaelic team whom I launched my professional Gaelic career with last year. I wish I could have stayed in Taiwan long enough to compete in the Asian GAA games once more, but just being a part of the team up to that point meant a lot to me (and hopefully to them!! haha) There were so many good days spent playing on that scorching Baling field, countless juice smoothies and pints at the Brass Monkey after. Only the finest!

Golden Graduation: Oh, this was so bittersweet. It was finally time for me to bid farewell and good luck to the students I've practically raised for the past two years. I am proud of them for learning so much and growing up so quickly. Also, it was the end of my teaching career for as far as I know. Until I go back to school, which I'm not sure I'll be aiming for, my Teacher Kalong title has come to rest.

Volunteering in Honduras: After my kindergarteners at Golden graduated, I spent the rest of the year in remote El Porvenir, Honduras as a volunteer teacher. I played games, taught silly songs, brushed teeth, and hugged the kiddos a lot. I learned how to cook and read books and take naps on the hammock. I adapted to making lesson plans and teaching a whole term with practically no curriculum or materials. For four months, I lived my life very differently from all I knew before, but I found peace within it. There were good days and there were bad days, but it was an experience I won't regret. Even if I forget all the Spanish I learned, I won't forget the faces and love I had for all my little (and older) friends in El Porvenir!

Being reunited with my man: This happens a lot, which means we get separated a lot, which means we have rights to celebrate when we are together!! Whether it's been me waiting ecstatically for him at the Taoyuan airport to welcome him come home from a work trip, or him flying down to Central America via the tiniest planes, or being mushed together at the Dublin airport arrival gates, there's nothing better than returning to his side. I kinda hate being apart, but we're like celebrities that way, hurmph.

Cheers to another exciting year!!