I'm going to be 27 in a few weeks, 15 days to be exact. I'm pretty sure I cried the afternoon I turned 26, not because I was officially in my late 20's but because I had just moved back to Portland and wasn't where I wanted to be in life. A year later, I've done pretty well for myself career wise, become a blondie, backpacked South America and trekked Macchu Picchu, found a paddling team, created a beautiful home for myself, traveled a bunch, fostered new friendships, paid off a huge chunk of student loans, living a very blessed life and I'm still single. Roll your eyes all you want at this constantly revisited rant of mine, it's my blog so I'll write what I want :D
Being single is not a disease, but I still hate it. I HATE dating-I hate the drama, I hate the games, I hate the pride and the hurt and the guessing and the waiting. Whenever I'm happily single-always when I'm the MOST happily single-it'll attract a random dude and he'll fuck everything up. I've learned how to close doors and bounce back more swiftly than ever by now (practice, my dear) but I can't stop this cycle and frankly, I'm too old for this now. And it still hurts every time. I literally can't even. All I want is to be in a kind, fun, loving and secure relationship with someone I respect and adore, and someone who treats me how I deserve to me treated (text me back, don't be late and buy me flowers-ridiculous expectations I've been told recently. Is there a middle finger emoji? Can someone make one please?) I would still love to fall in love.
A few weeks ago I taught a workshop for my company on Online Dating 101. Specifically, how to work Tinder. It was a roaring success (so I've been told) but a part of me was whispering inside, "so you'll meet someone in person and maybe you'll like each other...and THEN what?" During Q&A, someone in the class asked how online dating has worked out for me and I had to confess-I've gone on many awesome dates but I've never MET anyone. At least none that I remember anyway-no fireworks, no one I had to tell mom about right away, no one I wanted to make breakfast for (going out for brunch tastes better anyway). Online dating is exciting at first, and then it gets repetitive and depressing. It's definitely worth a shot, I just haven't lucked out yet.
Some of my girlfriends have vowed to be single for a period of their lives, so they can focus on their careers and schooling. Rachelle, Rose, Erica, I see you and I wish I could be you. You guys are my heroines. I did that senior year of university already, and involuntarily did it this past year and it was great, so can I please have a boyfriend now? Wait-I'll be 27 soon.
I guess it's time to confess: Boys, step aside. I'm looking for husband material this year. Is there an app for that?