Monday, August 18, 2014

Redundant Love Advice Part Three (All About Tinder)

Seeing all these beautiful wedding photos emerge on my newsfeed every weekend makes me feel weird. First of all, they're people my age. Younger than me, even. Second of all, WHY WASN'T I INVITED TO THE PARTY? Jk. Uh, I'm available as a plus one, okay? As long as it's not a date...

Third, it's a reminder that relationships are hard to keep forever, so when two people commit to doing it, it's worthy of a celebration. First dates are not, as they are easy come and easy go. This week was a rough one, and at the end of it, it's plain for me to see that I can be an expert at beginning a relationship, but I sure as hell suck at keeping one.

So I dipped my toes into Tinder on Monday, 50% out of curiosity and 50%...well actually I guess boredom. I feel like everyone disses it, but have it themselves. If you're reading this and you're single-either you're already on it or you've thought of it or you've done it in the past. I know who you are!!!

I could only bear to swipe right once in about every 80 pics...which didn't surprise me at all. I often got stuck with just my own face, Tinder desperately trying to gather more men within my 5 mile radius to reject. Guys on Tinder in Portland need to take their sunglasses off, trim their beards, and do something other than stand in front of a waterfall with their baby niece. Anyways, I quickly matched with a handful of suitors and swiftly accepted arrangements to meet up throughout the week. I chose tall handsome men with remarkably nice smiles and funny profile lines. I'm deleting my Tinder tonight though.

Long story short, don't date if you're not actually looking for a relationship. Tinder is indeed good for people that want to date causally and hook up, but there's definitely potential for more if that's what both parties are interested in. I enjoyed going on dates, but at the end of the week I felt like I missed out on a lot of activities and time I would rather have spent with friends or by myself. I won't be making plans to see any of them again. Dating without a purpose made me feel unbalanced and I didn't like it. I'm not ready to fall in love and start a relationship, so I had to cut out the actions of pretending to do so. Plus, 'meeting up for a casual drink' all the time will eventually make you fat. For the record though, the Tinder dates I met accurately reflected their photos and I was quite impressed and pleased that they existed. Guess I was lucky!

So what is my amazing, pivotal advice for everyone out of all this?

1. BE PUNCTUAL. This is kind of unrelated, but important. If you are running late, keep them updated. This is my #1 deal breaker/pet peeve. Respect people's plans and just imagine that they are missing their mom's birthday to hang out with you. They could be. You wouldn't leave them hanging on their sofa while they could be having cake with their family, would you? WOULD YOU?! For me, every time I make plans it means that I'm saying no to something else.  If that person is late, I feel upset because I could have spent that time doing something more fun than waiting.

2. Don't date if you're not open and ready to start a relationship. It sucks to meet someone incredible and then have to let them down. This should be obvious, but some people (hi hi hi hi) forget.

3. Reject/accept rejection gracefully. To boys and especially girls, be kind when you are saying no. I have a hard to navigating this skill...I am just awkward about it and sometimes-I'll only admit it on here-I play dumb. I'm no idiot lol but I need to work on being more straightforward. But however you do it, always be kind.

If they say no to you, notice how they deliver the news. If they were gracious and honest, then realize that they aren't complete assholes-they are just not ready and the situation is not right. Respect them, even if it hurts. I can personally relate to this. If they aren't nice about it, let them go cause you don't want to date mean people anyway.

4. Be happy for your friends that are getting married or engaged. You'll be there too someday, and they'll be there, 'liking' all your photos and offering marriage advice. Ask them for the name of their photographer if you love their photos, and keep a secret list to go for YOUR wedding someday. After all, you'll want your photos to look great on Facebook too ;)

My lonely Tinder screen because I've so kindly rejected everyone. 

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