Redundant Love Advice Part One

People wanted me to write a thing or two about relationships. Why? I don't know-I've always failed at them and they've sucked the life out of me. I guess I should probably write a book about what doesn't work and what you shouldn't look for and what you can't believe? I brought this up today to a friend (an ex, nonetheless) and he brilliantly pointed out that people who write about relationships don't have to have solutions, they only have to address a common issue that people can relate to and get people thinking and/or inspired. So then I guess I'm good to go!

The best thing about having such a vast history of unique, intense, traumatizing and blissful encounters with love is that in the end, you know yourself more than anyone else can claim to.

I guess since most of my girlfriends are all either hitched or hooked up forever, it's been my guys friends who have been picking at my brain. They want to know the answer to the most perplexing question known to the history of manhood: how to get a girl to fall in love/go out with you. Different things yes, but whatever-one thing could lead to the other. Rather, sometimes I wonder if they want to know how to get a girl similar to myself. I'm only concluding that because they're asking me and not married women, whom would actually know what they're talking about.

The following are strictly OPINIONS from the perspective of THIS happy, single, charming, active, attractive (society tells me anyway!) well-traveled, educated, and employed 26 year old woman. I shouldn't even be giving advice but hey, you asked and thus you shall receive.

1. First, start with the basics and be on my level. Be the type of person you wish to date. (ie. be happy, single, charming, active, attractive, well-traveled, educated and employed..and preferably older than me.) Simple.

2. Second, love your life. Have hobbies, passions, projects, dreams, and/or exciting plans for the future. Be working on improving yourself and others around you. I melt for guys that volunteer. I also love it when someone starts talking about doing something they love, and you can feel the energy beaming out of them because they're so passionate about it. It could be a sports team they play in, a community group they're starting, why, even if they are beer connoisseurs and love beer tasting! Enthusiasm for life is infectious, and if they have it, I'll want to share it with them and share mine as well! Just have something to share and bring to the table, okay?

3. Be assertive. I cannot emphasize this enough. BE ASSERTIVE!!! What HAPPENED, American millennials?! Why do guys beat around the bush so much? It's such a shame when guys I would otherwise be interested in, just don't ask. They hint and suggest and elude...but I gotta see if you've got the balls. Pretty girls can be intimidating I know, but I bet you would be surprised at how relieved they would be if you just said the words instead of complimenting them here and there all day like everyone else does. What are the words? "Do you want to go out with me sometime this friday? There's (something cool going on)  at the _________. Can I pick you up/meet you there at _______pm?" Is that so hard? And if they can't make it, they'll be impressed enough to offer to do something else another time! Works for me, anyways. If I absolutely cannot stand you and you smell, then I will say no and walk away. That's the worst that can ever happen and it's not even that bad! Just imagine me stepping into dog poo.

4. Speaking of smells, wear cologne. Divine cologne, of course. This is probably just me. I love it when a guy smells good. It either means that he's putting in effort to present himself nicely (which are always +1) or he just has good taste. It's also a pheromone thing. I'm a hypocrite at this because I rarely wear perfume. I get paranoid of spritzing too much and giving people around me headaches. I should work on that.

I know guys, this is a lot and it's mind blowing ;) Maybe I should stop and let it all sink in while I sleep since I love my bed more than any man right now. If you like what I've written or are strongly offended either way let me know. If you get a date this weekend I take credit for it. I think most of you will make fun of me and that's okay, I CAN TAKE IT CAUSE I KNOW MYSELF haha I still haven't opened up my comment boxes again due to a crazy stalker, so write me via FB :) Or better yet, you give ME some advice.

Buenas noches x

Next one's for the ladies..